A Rough Beginning to My Greatest Gift

Looking back now this is my number one regret of my pregnancy with Boog, choosing the group of OBGYN’s and the Nurse Practitioner I did. They played a major part in Boog being born 3 pounds 16 ounces. This was my first mistake and the biggest one. I have many regrets relating to my pregnancy with Boog, one of them being me not having my priorities straight (I shouldn’t have worried about my job so much), some of them being how my prenatal care was handled and believing the doctors. I should have stood up for myself more! And some of them being things beyond anyone’s control (the various medical conditions that occurred during the pregnancy). They all played a part in Boog’s rough entry into the world.

Major events in my pregnancy: Happiest moments of my life and lessons learned

1. My biggest regret: First some background information. I have a medical condition that basically breaks down to this; When my body has a blood clot (everyone gets them) I am boarder line of not having enough enzymes (that most people do have) to break the clot down to allow normal blood flow. The major risk is if the clot reached a major organ (like the lungs) you can die because the organ shuts down without proper blood flow. My case isn’t life threatening at this point. I was tested for it when I was 16 because my mom has a much more severe case (she has been on blood thinners since she was 30 and will be for the rest of her life). When the test came back that I was boarder line, the specialist told me not worry. I wouldn’t have to go on blood thinners unless complications occurred. But if/when I get pregnant I would need to be monitored closely. I would be a high risk pregnancy because blood clots are a risk during pregnancy even in normal healthy women, let alone someone who already has a tendency for them.

Pan back to 2007. On my first visit I informed the doctors of my medical condition and what I was told by the specialist. Their response was that it wouldn’t affect the pregnancy, I shouldn’t worry about it. And if I was worried I would need my general practitioner to monitor my protein c levels (one of the enzymes that break down the clots).

It was my first visit, they did an ultrasound, and I got to see my little blob in my belly. I was high on happiness. So I went along with what they said.  I didn’t need to worry. They are doctors; they know what they are doing, right? WRONG! I should have walked out of that office right away and found another OBGYN that listened to me and would monitor my condition (and that is what I did with my second pregnancy). On multiple occasions this group of physicans made some major errors. This was the first of many.

                                           Boog waving at me

2. Most life changing moment I had experienced: At twelve weeks I was sent to have an Ultrasound to check for any birth defect such as Down Syndrome (normal procedure for my medical plan). While they were checking my baby out I got to hear his heart beat for the first time. It took my breath away and I started to cry without realizing it. The doctor asked me “are you okay? Are they happy tears?” Yes they were happy tears! At that moment I truly had a sense of what was happening. What I was creating in my body, a new life. I felt so connected to my son (even though at this point I had only dreamed that I was having a boy), I can’t even describe it. And then to make it an even more powerful moment the doctor points out that “Look he is waving to you” And I looked on the screen to see his little hand moving back and forth. It was set, I new I had just seen my soul mate. It was the most amazing moment I ever experienced.

Warning signs: Throughout my pregnancy there were warning signs of what was to come. Since this was my first pregnancy and I didn’t have a lot of friends who had gone through having children I mainly relied on what the doctors said was “normal” during pregnancy and the vast amount of reading I did (magazines, books, pamphlets, anything I could get my hands on that was about pregnancy.) The reading material was a big help. It helped my identify things to bring to the doctors attention.

 First thing that appeared was my abnormal “morning sickness”. I started having morning sickness two weeks after I found out I was pregnant.  Yes morning sickness is normal during pregnancy, but mine was a very extreme case. I vomited within 30mins after eating any foods. After every meal, snack, and sometimes after drinking even water. I had brought this up in every prenatal visit. I was told that I need to eat and drink in small amounts so the vomiting wouldn’t occur. I took this advice and still the vomiting kept happening. I was gaining the proper weight so the doctors weren’t concerned. At one point I vomited up bright red blood. I called the advice nurse immediately. She said it wasn’t a concern because it was “fresh blood”. I had just busted a capillary in my throat.

Now I am not saying that I would have preferred them to give me an anti-vomiting medication. I worry about the ones they have on the market and what the effects may be on the fetus, but I think this extreme amount of vomiting warranted them monitoring me a little more closely.

At 19 weeks I went to my normal prenatal visit and was sent to the hospital because I had dilated 2 cm. They thought I was going into preterm labor; I was so scared that I asked the nurse practitioner to ultrasound me before leaving the office so I could see the baby and make sure he was alright. She did, which calmed my nerves a little. Then I was off the hospital. I was at the hospital for 4 hours while they did the stress test and pelvic exams.  It was determined that I was not going into labor or at risk of going into labor. So I was sent home with orders of continuing “activity as normal”. Looking back they should have taken me off of work right then and there.

At the 20 week ultrasound to check and make sure that the baby didn’t have any birth defects, we also got to find out the sex of the baby. Early on in the pregnancy, way before this visit, I had a reoccurring dream.  The dream was of me and my little boy reading books together before his bedtime. I hadn’t told anyone about this, but this dream convinced me that my body was telling me I was carrying a little boy. Once the nerve racking part of making sure the baby was doing fine, which he was at this point, was over they asked if we wanted to know the sex.  We said yes of course and it turned out my dream was true. My first born was going to be a boy! I was over joyed because I had always wanted to have a little boy and now I was!!!!

Next was Boog’s movement. Between 18 and 20 weeks you should start to feel flutters of movement from you baby. I did. As time progresses the movements should become regular and stronger. This never happened during my pregnancy with Boog. I actually went to the hospital and doctors office several times in my third trimester because I couldn’t feel him move. They did the standard stress test to motor Boog’s heart rate. Each time they sent me home because the test always came out normal. Well it turns out I couldn’t feel him move for two reasons. He was small and therefore didn’t have the same force as babies with more weight and size. And the second reason, IUGR babies don’t move as much because they are trying to conserve energy to survive ( I learned this after Boog’s birth and felt sick to my stomach thinking about how my poor baby was fighting to just stay alive)

At 29 weeks and beyond every prenatal visit I went to, they checked my blood pressure (like they always did) and it was way too high. Then they would check it at the end of the visit and it was back to normal. They told me that I was experiencing “White Coat” blood pressure, where you are nervous at the doctor’s office so your blood pressure rises and then returns to normal once you are calm again. And I was measuring small too. They informed that my uterus was falling back when I laid down for the measuring. I was gaining proper weight though, so there was nothing to worry about. After Boog was born I was told the following by the same doctors. Well it turns out that I actually had preeclampsia and that was the cause of the high blood pressure. (Preeclampsia can cause IUGR) And Boog was not growing properly and that is why I wasn’t measuring where I should have, the weight was fat not baby. 

                                                       31 weeks pregnant with Boog

These lessons I have learned the hard way. My advice to everyone, whether you are man, child, woman or woman expecting, you know your body best! If you feel something isn’t right and the doctors tell you otherwise, seek a second opinion, advocate for yourself because no one else will. And upon reflection of things that went wrong in life, try to focus on the good things not just the bad for your sake. I look back on Boog’s pregnancy with a lot of anger toward the cards Boog and I were dealt, but at the same time I look back on it fondly. The first thoughts that come to my mind about it are the happy ones, like his heart beat, waving at me in uterus and the dream about my little boy. Hold on to those, because those are the ones that make life worth living!

Personal note:  This blog was very difficult to write. I would begin to write it. At times I got angry and other times I would cry. I had to stop on multiple times and pick it back up once I had calmed down. I thought I had got past a lot of these emotions well over two years ago. I am coming to realize that these emotions may never leave me, so instead of letting them just fester inside of me I am going to use them to help others. Sharing this blog is helping me as well.  I hope this blog reaches someone in a similar situation and helps them. That would make everything worth while.