Our Last Day

On Wednesday it was Boog’s last day at the Early Start play group. You could tell that he knew it was his last day because at the end of class he went up to everyone (including other Mommies and gave them hugs and kisses.)Then I gave my hugs and goodbyes to all the teachers.

All the teachers are wonderful and played their own part in helping Boog’s speech come as far as it has. I am grateful to each and every one of them. They have been not only Boog’s teachers, but mine too. Watching them with my son and the techniques they used I was able to imitate their sessions on a daily bases to reinforce what he learned.

One of these teachers holds an extra special place in my heart, Mrs. Joan! She and Boog were a perfect fit. Joan always went above and beyond what was required of her. She always seemed to know exactly what to do and say to get Boog to clam down, pay attention, and focus. She was the one that got Boog to make new sounds and words constantly at each visit. I attribute the sudden “explosion” in Boog‘s speech development to her hard work and of course all his hard work too.

When it came time to say goodbye to Mrs. Joan I completely lost it. With her embrace all my gratitude welled up inside of me and came out in the form of tears. It was a mixture of happy and sad tears. Happy because my little boy finally started to talk and we were so fortunate to have a program like Early Start. I was so happy that my son for the last year and three months had been surrounded by these women who REALLY care, not only about Boog, but all the children that come to their program. I know they do, I have seen them in action and you couldn’t do the job they do and be as good at it as they are if you didn’t love these children and their jobs. The sad tears because we are losing them. I guess we will never truly lose them, for every word that Boog utters I will remember the many hours these women spent with him. For every story he tells I will remember their words of encouragement. They have left their mark on my family, one that all of us cherish and wear proudly.

After I dried my tears Joan told me to “please come back and keep them posted on Boog’s progress and to bring Boog and Littles back for visits” (Little was always welcomed and made a part of Boog’s learning process). I promised I would, and I will keep that promise. I think Boog left his mark on her too. He wasn’t always the most compliant child and he definitely didn’t make her job easy, but I think when he started to use two word phrases it was very rewarding to her to see the difference she makes in these young lives.

Thank You Mrs. Joan, you are my hero! Thank You to all the Early Start Team, you amaze me!

In Awe of the Creative Char and her Inspiring Illustrations

Once my mom and found out I was having a little boy we started collecting things for his nursery. I had chosen classic Winnie the Pooh as the theme with baby blue walls. Then one day my mom surprised me with a personalized illustration done by a lovely artist named Char on Etsy. Her Etsy shop is called Blue Shine Baby. It is of a little boy lying on a polar bear’s back that is framed by a little story around the edge which included my son’s name. I hung it on the outside of his door. It was perfect in keeping with the theme, it had a little boy, a bear and the predominate color was blue. I instantly fell in love with all of Blue Shine Baby’s illustrations. I constantly went to her to Etsy shop (and still do!) to check out the new pieces of art she has created.

When I found out I was pregnant with my little girl I had to have an illustration for her. Little’s nursery theme is fairies and frog princes. Mr. R dubbed the room Lilly’s Pad. So I was so overjoyed to find that Char had created the same type of illustration as Boog’s but it was with a little princess on top of a frog’s back.  It was perfect!!!!

Then I discovered that she had a joint blog with fellow artist Tam called We Blog Artists
. I started to read it each morning like most people read the newspaper. She discusses what art pieces she is working on, her family life with her two beautiful girls and other things happening in her life.

Over the last couple of years I have purchased some more of her illustrations as gifts. I got one for Boog’s best friend’s birthday of a little boy on top of a Wild Thing for his room because Where the Wild Things Are is his favorite story. The list goes on and on.

Then just before Christmas this year I became a fan of her on Facebook too. She did a posting of a new illustration she had just completed called “A Mother’s Load”. It was a woman smiling carrying her children on her back. I loved it and wanted one of my own with my children riding on my back. So I contacted Char and inquired about commissioning one. I decided it was going to be Santa’s present to me this year. *Wink, Wink*

I love the illustration and hung it up on the wall in time for everyone to see it during Christmas. I got so many complements about it! “ That is so wonderful!”, “Where did you get it?” Then just a couple of weeks ago I noticed she had done a “Family load” illustration. So I commissioned another illustration of my family, but this time including Mr. R too.

Char is an amazing woman! I am one of her biggest fans and I wanted to share the beauty that she brings into the world with you.

A Rough Beginning to My Greatest Gift

Looking back now this is my number one regret of my pregnancy with Boog, choosing the group of OBGYN’s and the Nurse Practitioner I did. They played a major part in Boog being born 3 pounds 16 ounces. This was my first mistake and the biggest one. I have many regrets relating to my pregnancy with Boog, one of them being me not having my priorities straight (I shouldn’t have worried about my job so much), some of them being how my prenatal care was handled and believing the doctors. I should have stood up for myself more! And some of them being things beyond anyone’s control (the various medical conditions that occurred during the pregnancy). They all played a part in Boog’s rough entry into the world.

Major events in my pregnancy: Happiest moments of my life and lessons learned

1. My biggest regret: First some background information. I have a medical condition that basically breaks down to this; When my body has a blood clot (everyone gets them) I am boarder line of not having enough enzymes (that most people do have) to break the clot down to allow normal blood flow. The major risk is if the clot reached a major organ (like the lungs) you can die because the organ shuts down without proper blood flow. My case isn’t life threatening at this point. I was tested for it when I was 16 because my mom has a much more severe case (she has been on blood thinners since she was 30 and will be for the rest of her life). When the test came back that I was boarder line, the specialist told me not worry. I wouldn’t have to go on blood thinners unless complications occurred. But if/when I get pregnant I would need to be monitored closely. I would be a high risk pregnancy because blood clots are a risk during pregnancy even in normal healthy women, let alone someone who already has a tendency for them.

Pan back to 2007. On my first visit I informed the doctors of my medical condition and what I was told by the specialist. Their response was that it wouldn’t affect the pregnancy, I shouldn’t worry about it. And if I was worried I would need my general practitioner to monitor my protein c levels (one of the enzymes that break down the clots).

It was my first visit, they did an ultrasound, and I got to see my little blob in my belly. I was high on happiness. So I went along with what they said.  I didn’t need to worry. They are doctors; they know what they are doing, right? WRONG! I should have walked out of that office right away and found another OBGYN that listened to me and would monitor my condition (and that is what I did with my second pregnancy). On multiple occasions this group of physicans made some major errors. This was the first of many.

                                           Boog waving at me

2. Most life changing moment I had experienced: At twelve weeks I was sent to have an Ultrasound to check for any birth defect such as Down Syndrome (normal procedure for my medical plan). While they were checking my baby out I got to hear his heart beat for the first time. It took my breath away and I started to cry without realizing it. The doctor asked me “are you okay? Are they happy tears?” Yes they were happy tears! At that moment I truly had a sense of what was happening. What I was creating in my body, a new life. I felt so connected to my son (even though at this point I had only dreamed that I was having a boy), I can’t even describe it. And then to make it an even more powerful moment the doctor points out that “Look he is waving to you” And I looked on the screen to see his little hand moving back and forth. It was set, I new I had just seen my soul mate. It was the most amazing moment I ever experienced.

Warning signs: Throughout my pregnancy there were warning signs of what was to come. Since this was my first pregnancy and I didn’t have a lot of friends who had gone through having children I mainly relied on what the doctors said was “normal” during pregnancy and the vast amount of reading I did (magazines, books, pamphlets, anything I could get my hands on that was about pregnancy.) The reading material was a big help. It helped my identify things to bring to the doctors attention.

 First thing that appeared was my abnormal “morning sickness”. I started having morning sickness two weeks after I found out I was pregnant.  Yes morning sickness is normal during pregnancy, but mine was a very extreme case. I vomited within 30mins after eating any foods. After every meal, snack, and sometimes after drinking even water. I had brought this up in every prenatal visit. I was told that I need to eat and drink in small amounts so the vomiting wouldn’t occur. I took this advice and still the vomiting kept happening. I was gaining the proper weight so the doctors weren’t concerned. At one point I vomited up bright red blood. I called the advice nurse immediately. She said it wasn’t a concern because it was “fresh blood”. I had just busted a capillary in my throat.

Now I am not saying that I would have preferred them to give me an anti-vomiting medication. I worry about the ones they have on the market and what the effects may be on the fetus, but I think this extreme amount of vomiting warranted them monitoring me a little more closely.

At 19 weeks I went to my normal prenatal visit and was sent to the hospital because I had dilated 2 cm. They thought I was going into preterm labor; I was so scared that I asked the nurse practitioner to ultrasound me before leaving the office so I could see the baby and make sure he was alright. She did, which calmed my nerves a little. Then I was off the hospital. I was at the hospital for 4 hours while they did the stress test and pelvic exams.  It was determined that I was not going into labor or at risk of going into labor. So I was sent home with orders of continuing “activity as normal”. Looking back they should have taken me off of work right then and there.

At the 20 week ultrasound to check and make sure that the baby didn’t have any birth defects, we also got to find out the sex of the baby. Early on in the pregnancy, way before this visit, I had a reoccurring dream.  The dream was of me and my little boy reading books together before his bedtime. I hadn’t told anyone about this, but this dream convinced me that my body was telling me I was carrying a little boy. Once the nerve racking part of making sure the baby was doing fine, which he was at this point, was over they asked if we wanted to know the sex.  We said yes of course and it turned out my dream was true. My first born was going to be a boy! I was over joyed because I had always wanted to have a little boy and now I was!!!!

Next was Boog’s movement. Between 18 and 20 weeks you should start to feel flutters of movement from you baby. I did. As time progresses the movements should become regular and stronger. This never happened during my pregnancy with Boog. I actually went to the hospital and doctors office several times in my third trimester because I couldn’t feel him move. They did the standard stress test to motor Boog’s heart rate. Each time they sent me home because the test always came out normal. Well it turns out I couldn’t feel him move for two reasons. He was small and therefore didn’t have the same force as babies with more weight and size. And the second reason, IUGR babies don’t move as much because they are trying to conserve energy to survive ( I learned this after Boog’s birth and felt sick to my stomach thinking about how my poor baby was fighting to just stay alive)

At 29 weeks and beyond every prenatal visit I went to, they checked my blood pressure (like they always did) and it was way too high. Then they would check it at the end of the visit and it was back to normal. They told me that I was experiencing “White Coat” blood pressure, where you are nervous at the doctor’s office so your blood pressure rises and then returns to normal once you are calm again. And I was measuring small too. They informed that my uterus was falling back when I laid down for the measuring. I was gaining proper weight though, so there was nothing to worry about. After Boog was born I was told the following by the same doctors. Well it turns out that I actually had preeclampsia and that was the cause of the high blood pressure. (Preeclampsia can cause IUGR) And Boog was not growing properly and that is why I wasn’t measuring where I should have, the weight was fat not baby. 

                                                       31 weeks pregnant with Boog

These lessons I have learned the hard way. My advice to everyone, whether you are man, child, woman or woman expecting, you know your body best! If you feel something isn’t right and the doctors tell you otherwise, seek a second opinion, advocate for yourself because no one else will. And upon reflection of things that went wrong in life, try to focus on the good things not just the bad for your sake. I look back on Boog’s pregnancy with a lot of anger toward the cards Boog and I were dealt, but at the same time I look back on it fondly. The first thoughts that come to my mind about it are the happy ones, like his heart beat, waving at me in uterus and the dream about my little boy. Hold on to those, because those are the ones that make life worth living!

Personal note:  This blog was very difficult to write. I would begin to write it. At times I got angry and other times I would cry. I had to stop on multiple times and pick it back up once I had calmed down. I thought I had got past a lot of these emotions well over two years ago. I am coming to realize that these emotions may never leave me, so instead of letting them just fester inside of me I am going to use them to help others. Sharing this blog is helping me as well.  I hope this blog reaches someone in a similar situation and helps them. That would make everything worth while.

And So It begins- The Journey to Motherhood

In June of 2007 I found out I was pregnant. When the test came out positive, I was a huge happy bundle of nerves. Mr. R and I were only trying for a month before actually conceiving. I have always known that I wanted to be a mother but to be face to face with a little white stick that said it was defiantly going to happen and soon (because nine months goes by very quickly) was a very odd sensation.

I had taken the test after I got home from work (I worked early mornings as a store manager at a California based coffee and tea company in Oakland. So I was off by 1:30pm) and once the results were in I immediately called Mr. R (who worked nights in a hotel at a restaurant in SF) to tell him the news. I was a little worried because even though we had decided to start trying, if I was unnerved by the news…how would he feel. As always I thought one thing (that he would freak out at least a little) and he did the opposite. This happens a lot with my children too! I think they will behave one way and they do the opposite. I recall him say something to the effect “Cool, this is what we were trying for. Man I am good, pregnant in a month of going off the Pill. I am awesome.”  Insert his giggling here.  Looking back on his comment about the pregnancy it reeks of Mr. R’s personality and humor, something I over looked at the time.

After hanging up the phone with Mr. R my next call was to my general practitioner. I schedule an appointment for the next day to go in and see her.  At that visit she ordered blood work to confirm the pregnancy. The results came back in a day. It was confirmed that I was pregnant. I was still nervous about being pregnant, but now the joy I felt was overwhelming.

My doctor then made her personal recommendation for an OBGYN, the one she went to and trusted. The only problem was they were in Daly City (were we were currently living) and in a month we were moving to Oakley and going to live in the house where I grew up . So I had to find one close to our new home. The travel time from Oakley to Daly City is one hour (if there is no traffic)that was going to be too long of a drive when it came time to deliver the baby. Luckily (or so I thought at the time) I found an OBGYN group in Brentwood, which is a neighboring city to Oakley. I had read great reviews about them, so I set up my first official prenatal appointment!

A Voice For My Children

I have contemplated a blog for about three years now. Originally it started after the birth of my son Boog (no that isn’t his name, but a nickname). He was born at 37 weeks and weighed just 3 pounds 15 ounces which lead to spending 10 days in the NICU. The term for what caused his small birth weight is IUGR (Intro Uterine Growth Restriction), a condition accruing during pregnancy. I was very scared for my son and felt lost as a mother, so I decided to look into some Internet mommy support groups to know what others were going through. All the chats, blogs, and support groups that I found where filled with negative stories and I was left feeling sad and helpless. So I stopped going to them and told myself that I would start a blog of my own telling not only the struggles in my life as a mother and in my children’s lives, but the up lifting parts, the parts that make being a mother the greatest gift and happiest moments I have ever experienced

I am a mother of two, my son Boog who just turned three and my daughter Littles ( another nickname) who is 15 months old. I stay at home with my children during the day and then after my husband gets home from work, I leave for work myself. It makes for a very long day, 5am when my son wakes up until 12am when I get home from work, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Staying home has given me the opportunity to spend time with them and watch them grow into new little people each day. Plus it has made it possible for me to help my son.

 Because of his low birth weight he has had home visits since he was one month old. At first the visits were to monitor his weight and development with a Registered Nurse. We were so lucky to qualify for a program through the county that monitors infants born at risk. She came twice a month until the program ended (age 2 the services stop). At 15 months old there was a question if Boog had a speech delay. He wasn’t saying any words at that point, not even Mama or Dada. So I had him tested for the speech delay through another program called Early Start.  They require 50 % delay in one area or 25% delay in two areas of development. And since Boog had no other issues in his development but speech and at that point was only delayed 25% he didn’t qualify. Three months before his second birthday I had him tested again. This time he was more than 50 % delayed in speech, so we start Early Start.

Once in the program he had home visits three days a week and one play group held at the Early Start center to interact and play with other children with speech delays. I can’t say enough wonderful stuff about Oakley’s Early Start program. The group of teachers and the speech therapist are more than a mother could dream for her child! (Because of all the hard work and time these wonderful women spent with Boog he is now speaking on a regular basis and in the last two months has started to speak in two word phrases. )

Then about six months ago I got Boog into another program run by the state called Regional Center (this was a lot of work and very frustrating. I will talk more about that another day) to add another home visit to the week. Finally after many letters and phone conversations Boog was eligible for the extra service. So we where up to five days a week doing some form of speech therapy. Both of these programs end at age three.

We are now in the process of transitioning into the school system for Preschool. Boog was tested once again and qualified for speech therapy once a week for thirty minutes and two days a week in a preschool class focused on speech. We are very excited. Boog loves his first backpack he got just for school and I am excited that he will continue to receive services to help improve his speech and his life.

 Please join me in the wild ride of being a mother of two children!